


Do You Remember As I Do?

by S_Nebulosa



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Amnesia, Canon Compliant, F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, If we forget Guardiancorp and maybe also Jack, Light Angst, Mention of blood, Partial amnesia, and a gay mess, and too scared of being rude, lena is a useless lesbian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 16:59:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15514383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/S_Nebulosa/pseuds/S_Nebulosa
Summary: Lena and Kara have a fallout after Kara tells Lena about her Supersecret. Lena drowns herself in work and doesn't sleep but sleep deprivation makes one prone to mistakes.Lena ends up at the DEO medical bay with a bad concussion and partial amnesia but she doesn't want to be rude and tell people she forgot anything.





	Do You Remember As I Do?

**Author's Note:**

> Because stress for other stuff makes me write apparently... Now I'm back to crying again (kidding, I'll just write another fic)

Lena buries herself in work. Cramming in meeting after meeting and report after report during the day only to disappear in her private lab to work through the night on one of her inventions. Her workload also has gotten objectively higher since she’s given Sam a few weeks off to recover from the whole Reign debacle and connect with her kid again.

The extra work barely helps but at least she feels useful. Anything to not have to think of Kara and her dirty secrets. Kara who lied to her. Kara who she can’t trust anymore because she doesn’t know what’s true and what’s not. Kara who probably only became her friend because she’s a Luthor and the saying does tell one to keep their enemies closest.

She doesn’t eat - or at least no real meals. She falls back to her college habits, stilling her grumbling stomach with chips, candy and cookies because at least they’re easy to eat and don’t need any time to prepare. And she can’t muster up the energy to think of meals, let alone order or prepare them.

She doesn’t sleep. Taking cat naps on her desk chair - the couch reminds her too much of Kara - in between meetings and on the lab floor when she really can’t keep her eyes open anymore.

Kara’s betrayal cuts so much deeper than she expected. So much so that she sometimes finds herself still crying over it. It’s been two weeks already.

She doesn’t contact Kara. She tells Jess to remove her from the list of people with access to her office. She locks her balcony door. Replaces the glass with lead-lined panes and doesn’t reply to any of Kara’s texts or calls or letters or emails. She hasn’t turned her phone on in over a week. She couldn’t take it anymore. She needs her distance.

She’d thought Kara was her friend but clearly, she’s not. Another name to add to the list of people who only wanted to get close to her because of her last name.

 

It’s 4 am but Lena’s lab is brightly lit by the lamps in the ceiling. She’s been tinkering with this device - one able to make simple diagnoses on sick people based on several parameters and a blood and urine test - since she sent Jess home at 8. She shoves another hand of gummy worms in her mouth and chews on them as she ponders over the wiring. It’s not entirely right but she can’t seem to figure out exactly what is wrong. She rubs in her eyes, burning with sleep yet she knows if she were to lie down she’d just be staring up at nothing, giving her mind the liberty to start wandering and to think of Kara. She doesn’t want to think about Kara. She switches some wires around and sighs. She hasn’t been able to get it working right and that’s only the hardware. She’s barely gotten a skeleton of its software, sure that will take her even longer to get functional. She can’t wait. She’s always liked programming and fixing bugs. It’s useless without working hardware though.

She decides to just run another test and hopes that will reveal what exactly isn’t right. She switches the on-button and the device starts with a low hum. The hum’s volume increases and the contraption starts buzzing, then vibrating with vigour and something’s wrong. This isn’t supposed to happen. Before Lena realises what exactly is wrong or how wrong it is, the device explodes with a bright flash and a loud bang.

* * *

Lena wakes up in an unfamiliar bed. The mattress thin and the blankets scratchy. She groans softly when she tries to open her eyes and is assaulted by bright light. Everything hurts. Her body feels, once again, like she’s been hit by a truck. She focusses on the room. On finding out where she is and why. There’s an insistent, steady and rhythmic beeping sound to her left. Her limbs are heavy and her eyelids fight against an invisible weight as she blinks them open several times to adjust to the brightness of the room. 

It doesn’t look like a hospital. The walls are white but the door is a glass one and beyond it there’s a small path with a railing on the side. Hospitals don’t usually have that - too high a risk of patients toppling over and suing them.

There’re wires connected to her chest and arm. An IV in her hand feeding her whatever fluids are in the bag on the pole by her bed. She pinpoints the beeping sound to the monitor connected to a clip on her finger and the wires on her chest. When she tries to move her head to look at what exactly it is, she’s rewarded with a stabbing ache in her skull. She groans again, the hand free of wires coming to touch her head. She feels a bandage wrapped around and tries to pry it off.

“Oh, you’re awake!” a far too loud voice stops her movements and she closes her eyes in a futile attempt to dampen the sound.

“Don’t touch that. You had a pretty bad blow to your head.”

The voice is softer now. Kind. Maybe a little worried even. She pries an eye open to look at the woman. A slender one, weapons strapped to her thighs and short red hair. She curiously watches as the woman types something on a tablet.

“How are you feeling? You really scared us there for a moment,” she says as she looks at Lena.

She knows her? Is Lena supposed to know her too? Or is she just being friendly?

“Lena?”

Oh right. How she’s doing. She blinks and tries to shift a little but her body hurts too much and won’t move.

“I’m fine,” she says. No reason to worry this woman - why is an armed woman even checking on her like she’s a nurse? Dis Lena do something wrong or is it another precaution because she’s a Luther? - no reason to tell her she feels like shit.

“Lena,” she chastises. So she does know her? “Please be honest. I can’t help you if you lie about how you feel.” Her brown eyes are so kind, a small worry frown appearing above them and Lena is convinced she’s supposed to know her but it’s rude to ask. No reason to worry her. She’ll probably remember later. She’s just a little shaken.

“Like a truck hit me,” she admits. It’s probably better to be honest - to some extent - to this woman and she _does_ feel like her body has had a pretty bad blow. No harm in telling that, is there?

“Hmm, I wouldn’t really expect any difference. That was a pretty bad explosion.” The woman moves to the IV and inserts a needle in a small line connected to it. She slowly emptied it and Lena feels the cold liquid enter her vein. It hurts a little but she doesn’t let it show. She’s a Luthor and Luthor’s don’t show weakness, even if she just admitted to feeling terrible.

“Do you remember what happened?” the woman asks her, tablet ready to take more notes.

No. She doesn’t. But that’s not something she’s willing to admit. She does try really hard to see if there’s a glimpse of a memory but there’s none. So she relays the woman’s earlier words back to her.

“I was in an explosion.”

“Mhm.” The woman types something on the tablet.

“Do you know where you were?”

No. No clue. But she’s Lena Luthor. There’s only really one place she ever is, isn’t there...

“At L-Corp.”

“Mhm and do you know what day it is?”

Also no. But she’s never been really good at that. There’s no difference between any of them and Jess keeps track of her calendar and makes sure she doesn’t miss any meetings.

“No, I never do.”

That earns a raised eyebrow and more notes but no further comment.

“And do you know the date?”

No! Lena begins to get frustrated. Why can’t she remember anything? Why doesn’t she know what today’s date is? She feels her eyes start to burn and looks up at the ceiling. Blinks and wills away the tears. Luthor’s don’t cry.

“Hey, Lena,” a hand lands on her wrist and its thumb soothingly rubs circles on her skin. “It’s okay if you don’t know. It might take a bit for everything to come back. Don’t eat yourself up over it, okay?”

Lena wonders if this woman knows her full name. Knows she’s a Luthor. Likely not, otherwise she wouldn’t have been so friendly and caring. Lena nods. It will come back. She’ll remember.

“I think it’s best if you get some sleep now.” She removes her hand from Lena’s wrist and Lena suddenly feels the effect of the painkillers she’s gotten earlier. The sharp ache in her head has dulled a little. Her body hurts slightly less and she feels drowsy. She blinks against her heavy eyelids. She doesn’t want to sleep. She wants to know where she is. Why she isn’t in a normal hospital. Or the private hospital she usually went to.

The woman smiles at her softly as if she knows Lena is fighting sleep and feels bad for her. It’s not a judgemental smile and it looks very strange aimed at Lena. But she doesn’t have the energy to question it. Realises she can’t battle sleep any longer and with a deep sigh gives in to its pull.

 

The next time she wakes up, the ache is back. Drumming lowly through her bones and stabbing at her brain. There’s something else though.

The hairs in the back of her neck are all on end. The tell-tale sign she’s being watched. When she focusses, she can hear soft breathing from her right.

With great effort she tilts her head in its direction and opens her eyes. Worried blue ones are looking down at her, the crinkle above them decreasing a little when the woman notices Lena is awake. Blonde hair falls in messy waves around her face and there’s two small dark rings beneath her eyes.

“Hey,” she says a little hesitantly, “how are you feeling?” she asks.

Lena knows that voice! She knows this woman. She knows she knows this woman. She rakes through her mind for more puzzle pieces and closes her eyes for them to fall into place. A wide smile makes its way on her face albeit a little pained. Her smile smoothens out until it’s just a soft grin.

“Kara,” she says. Kara the reporter. Kara her friend. Best friend. There’s something nagging in the back of her mind but she can’t grasp it. Maybe Kara’s not her best friend. She’s sitting so far away, keeping her distance instead of reaching out to Lena like she’s used to. Maybe Kara doesn’t like her anymore? Maybe she did something to make Kara angry or disappointed. Kara not her best friend thus. Just Kara the reporter for now.

“Yeah,” Kara breathes, shifting in her chair and scooting a little closer to the bed. But They fall silent and Kara looks so awkward. So unsure, unsure in a very not-Kara way. Now Lena is certain she’s missed something. She’s forgotten something important. Something big.

“How- how’s your head?” Kara asks, pointing to the bandage wrapped around it.

Lena tries to shrug but still finds her body rather uncooperative.

“I’ve had worse,” she says instead.

Kara gives her an odd look but doesn’t make a comment. Lena wonders, given her missing memories, how much she’s told Kara about that. About growing up. About being a kid. Maybe a lot more than she currently thinks.

“I thought you were dead,” Kara whispers. It’s barely audible and she sounds so, so small Lena almost believe she’d care if she died. Almost. Because she’s Lena Luthor and people don’t really care about her and those that do care about seeing her dead. Though this is Kara. Kara is a friend, she reminds herself. Kara is different.

“I’m sorry,” Lena says. It’s always a safe thing to say.

Kara adds another hand to the one that’s already holding Lena’s and she turns Lena’s hand over, holding it tight between her two hands, her thumb circling on Lena’s wrist. It’s something the redhead had done too earlier. Is that something people do normally? Just hold you and try to comfort you with something small like this?

“Don’t apologise. I thought we were over that.” Kara’s sad smile is back in place as she looks Lena over again. It’s almost as if she can see. See what Lena doesn’t say. See what she doesn’t want to say.

“Oh.” Lena sighs and the movement reverberates through her entire body setting her bones on fire again.

“You’re hurting,” Kara observes, “I’ll get Alex and she can give you something.”

Before Lena can protest Kara is already at the door. She’d known Kara was quick but this beats everything she’s seen or has been told by Jess.

The woman with the short red hair enters the room when Kara calls for this Alex and Lena files away her name for later. Alex walks up the end of her bed and looks her over, then takes out her tablet again and checks some things.

“On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being no pain and 10 being excruciating pain, how bad is your pain?” she asks Lena.

Lena takes a moment to consider, feels the aches and tries to gauge them. Excruciating pain is probably supposed to hurt a lot more. She’s still relatively clear-headed and can bear it okay, though she feels it getting worse with every passing second. She doesn’t know how bad it’s going to get though, and right now it’s not too bad.

“A four. Maybe five,” she tells Alex.

Both women by her bedside raise an eyebrow at her as if they don’t believe her.

“It’s Lena, so that’s at least an eight,” Kara tells Alex and Alex nods in reply. She types out something again and gives Lena another dose of pain medication.

Alex leaves again and Kara sits down by her side and holds her hand while she waits for the medicine to kick in and sleep drag her under.

 

Everything is dark and eerily quiet, save for the insistent beeping by her side. It only serves to confirm her suspicion this is indeed not a hospital.

Somewhere outside her little room, there’s a light on. It’s behind more windows and Lena can’t see what or who’s inside but she knows somehow someone is behind the blinds. The heaviness in her limbs is a little less overwhelming this time and instead she’s overcome with an irresistible urge to go home. To just be in her own bed, her own soft bed with nice and fluffy blankets instead of these scratchy ones. She wants to get back to work too. L-Corp has been without her for far too long already - though she doesn’t exactly know how long it’s been at least a full day and that’s already too long for her precious company.

She pushes herself up to a sitting position and carefully lets her legs fall off the bed. She scoots forward a bit until her bare feet connect with the cold floor. With her hands pushing her up and her legs working to support her weight she’s finally standing next to it.

It wasn’t her brightest idea. There’s a reason she’s still in this not-hospital and it probably has something to do with how much of her energy is already spent getting up. She’s got very little left to keep herself up and her mind goes foggy. Before she can think of just sitting back down the floor is speeding up to her face as her legs give in.

 

“Next time I’m not picking you up. What were you even thinking?!”

Lena blinks her eyes open. The redhead - Alex, she reminds herself - is standing by her bed with her hands on her hips and her eyes angry.

“I know you’re Lena Luthor and you want to go home or, even worse, go back to work but I didn’t peg you for an idiot,” she continues. “You barely survived your lab blowing up in the middle of the night when you weren’t even supposed to be there. You’re lucky Kara heard it and got you out from under the rubble. And now you’re trying to escape when you _know_ that’s a bad idea because you can’t convince me you really thought that was a good idea. I’m trying everything I can to get you out of here as soon as possible but you’re only making it that much harder by doing stuff like this.”

Lena casts her eyes down, looking thoroughly chided. Alex has a point. If Lena wasn’t so focussed on getting out of here she would have realised there’s no way she could have done that alone. No way she will either in the near future. She’ll have to patiently wait and work on getting stronger.

“Now, do you need anything?”

Lena shakes her head.

“How do you feel?”

Lena takes a moment again to evaluate how she really feels. She wiggles her toes and fingers.

“I’m okay,” she says honestly. The pain hasn’t gone but it hasn’t gotten worse like she would have expected from her rash attempted escape.

“Pain?” Alex has taken out the tablet again.

“Three.”

Alex lifts an eyebrow. “And now honestly.”

“Four,” Lena says but Alex still looks at her like _that_. “And a half.”

Alex nods and moves away from the bed, returning with a cup of water and a small paper cup with two pills in it.

Lena dutifully does what isn’t explicitly asked of her, swallowing the pills dry and chasing them with some water. Alex looks satisfied, straightening the blanket around Lena a little bit and leaving when Lena settles back down against her pillow and lets her eyelids droop close. She hears the door open and shut and doesn’t give in to sleep until she’s certain she’s alone.

 

After that it gets a little better. She doesn’t try to outright lie to Alex, who frequently checks in with her. Kara visits too but there’s something going on and Lena can’t put her finger on it. They’re awkward, there’s a lot of silences and Kara isn’t the Kara she remembers. She does help her when Alex says she’s well enough to start getting out of bed again. She helps her on the mandatory walks to the chair a few steps away that later turn into walks to the chair at the other side of the room and then across the hallway. Lena catches a glimpse of her own reflection in the windows. There’s cuts and scrapes all over her skin, they’ve begun healing but are therefore only more visible. Her face is littered with them and the rest of her body doesn’t seem to fare any better by what she can see.

Winn visits a few times, always bringing something to do with him. Lena’s headache is always worse after because she gets too engrossed in whatever they do to stop when she first feels her headache coming back. She can’t help it though because Winn brings her a change of pace and she loves it.

Even James visits a few times. She doesn’t recognise him at first but when he visits together with Winn and Winn makes a joke calling him Jimmy, it clicks. James’s visits include updates on Catco – which Lena apparently bought earlier in the year – and not much else. She does appreciate his presence, nonetheless, because at least she doesn’t have to stare at the wall for hours on end.

When Alex is satisfied Lena is well enough to leave, she gets put in a black car with tinted windows and driven off. Alex tells her she’s going to Sam’s for a bit because they don’t want her to be living all alone right now in case something happens and Sam wasn’t able to visit and wants to help Lena in any other way possible. Lena didn’t even know Sam was living in National City but she’s stopped asking questions about, well, anything.

 

She’s finally wearing her own clothes again. She thinks. Kara claims it’s her clothes but she doesn’t remember ever owning sweatpants. She doesn’t argue because they’re comfortable and they get her out of the not-hospital.

Kara puts a bag with some more clothes and other necessities in the back of the car and hands her the blanket she’d been given a week before after she’d mentioned the ones from the not-hospital being itchy. Lena has a sneaking suspicion it’s one of Kara’s blankets but she didn’t ask and just accepted it.

 

Sam is already waiting for her on the curb in front of her house. The car pulls up on the driveway and Sam walks up to Lena’s door and helps her out of the car. She might be able to walk across the hallway of the not-hospital unassisted but her energy is still low and she’s glad Sam gives her an arm to lean on, though she’d never admit to such a thing.

The driver brings up her bag and the blanket and drops it inside the house when the door flies open a small brunette darts out and crashes into Lena.

Her knees buckle precariously and the speed of the small body colliding with hers would have been enough to send them barrelling to the grass but Sam holds her upright.

“Aunt Lena! I was so scared you weren’t okay,” Ruby tells her before getting cut off by Sam.

“Ruby! What did I tell you about being careful?!” Sam’s arms are still holding Lena upright and Lena knows she would not be standing without them.

“Sorry mom. I just got excited.”

“Don’t say sorry to me, say sorry to Lena,” Sam instructs.

“Sorry Lena.”

“It’s okay,” Lena says with a small smile. She’s always had a weak spot for Ruby and her unrestrained enthusiasm is refreshing. Ruby is someone she knows doesn’t care about her last name, just as Sam.

“Now, let’s get inside and get you settled in huh.” Sam wraps one arm around Lena’s waist and holds on to Lena’s arm, which she throws over her shoulder, with the other. Ruby seems to understand Sam’s unspoken message and appears on Lena’s other side to support her.

“I can walk just fine you guys,” Lena says with a small laugh.

“We know.” Sam and Ruby both burst into laughter hearing the other say the exact same thing. Lena doesn’t think either of them believes her and probably rightfully so. Lena’s in no shape to walk to the house and settle herself in.

 

She’s put on the couch while Sam unpacks her bag in the guest room and Ruby makes them drinks in the kitchen. Her headache returns. With a vengeance but she’s not yet willing to give in and hide herself away. She’s finally in a nice place, with friends and comfortable clothes and good food. She wants to enjoy it for a little while until she eventually crashes.

Ruby hands her a tall glass with lemonade and though Lena usually isn’t one to indulge herself with sugary drinks, she accepts it with a small smile and takes a sip. It’s sweet but it tastes nice. Better than anything she’s had in a while.

Sam returns and of course immediately notices Lena’s headache is back. Sam knows Lena. And Lena knows Sam knows her so she doesn’t argue her headache isn’t back.

“I’ll take the pills later, Sam. Let me just enjoy this for a moment,” she bargains instead.

Sam indulges her and they talk about anything and nothing until Lena’s fatigue is starting to take over. She doesn’t fight Sam when she’s being helped off the couch and to the bed in the guest room and dutifully takes the pills Sam offers her before lying down and letting sleep take her.

 

On Monday, Sam has to return to work and, after being convinced by both Lena and Ruby they will be fine without Mrs. Queller, she leaves the pair behind with clear instructions for the day. As soon as she leaves, Lena talks Ruby into lending her her phone and she calls Jess. As expected, Jess scolds her for calling but tells her L-Corp is fine. Lena’s lab was like a bunker and only the equipment inside - and Lena herself - got damaged but the building is still intact.

“Sam is back,” Jess tells her but Lena doesn’t know a Sam working for her. Like she’s taught herself, she doesn’t question it and just follows Jess’s lead in the conversation. “I know you said she should take a few weeks off but she called herself and said she was ready to get back and L-Corp needs her to, what with you being out. She’s right, L-Corp needs her and we’re all doing just fine without you so don’t let me catch you calling me again or working because I will come find you myself and lock you away until you’re all better.”

She doesn’t know when her relationship with Jess moved from completely professional to this more friendly one where Jess feels comfortable telling her off, but she likes it. It feels natural.

“Only if you promise to let me know if something goes amiss,” Lena tells her. She’ll probably try to check in with L-Corp anyway but not through Jess. She needs to get her hands on her own phone. Or her tablet or laptop.

“If L-Corp needs you, I’ll let you know.”

They both know Jess will never call.

“Okay,” Lena says anyway before saying goodbye and handing the phone back to Ruby.

She sleeps some more. That’s become the thing she’s currently best at. She’s gone from sleeping a few hours a night - or day more often than not - to being awake only a few hours a day.

Ruby makes her lunch, sandwiches per Sam’s instruction, and they eat in silence. When they’re finished, Ruby suggests baking cookies and Lena can’t say no to that face. The kitchen ends up a complete mess with more of it dirty than clean but there’s two dozen cookies they put in the oven right before Lena crashes back on the couch for more sleep. Baking cookies is a lot more tiring than she expected. More fun too.

She wakes up when Sam arrives back home and to her surprise there’s no real evidence left of their baking shenanigans. Ruby had taken it upon herself to clean the entire kitchen and put the cooled cookies - Lena’s second surprise because she would’ve thought they were burned to a crisp without her checking the time - in a tin.

Sam starts making dinner and stumbles upon the dirty dishes with batter on them in the dishwasher. Ruby bribes her into not reprimanding them with a golden-brown cookie. And another when it doesn’t seem to work. Sam laughs it off and accepts the offer, praising Ruby for cleaning up when she sees the twin smiles on Lena and Ruby’s faces.

 

Ruby is nice and talkative when it’s just the two of them during Sam’s working hours. She single-handedly fills in a lot of gaps in Lena’s memory. The not-hospital is called the DEO and Lena somehow remembers that stands for Department of Extranormal Operations. Lena saved Sam’s life. Somehow. Ruby doesn’t tell her the details, only mentions Sam wanted to do something back for Lena and that’s why they were happy to take her in – though they probably would have either way. Sam – her Sam – is the Sam from L-Corp, having moved to National City when Lena needed a CFO because she would be spending her time at Catco. She’d apparently given up on Catco little over half a year later and left James back in charge. Her heart would always be with L-Corp. Even without her memories she knows this.

 

Alex visits almost daily. Always after Sam is home too and Lena has a sneaking suspicion she’s not really visiting to check up on her but to spend time with Sam. She doesn’t voice it because they’re clearly both unaware and still dancing around each other. Ruby notices too. She can tell by the smirk on her face every time Alex ‘happens to be in the neighbourhood’ or wants to check up on Lena only to leave hours later without actually having done so.

Ruby loves Alex’s visits and Lena likes them just fine too but since she can’t remember Alex it feels a little like venturing into unchartered territory while everyone else does know what’s going on.

She misses Kara. That’s her biggest feeling most of the time. She misses her best friend. She misses how Kara can always make her smile, always makes her day a little better and always makes her feel loved. Not that Sam doesn’t do that, it’s just not the same because she doesn’t have a major crush on her.

After a week, she figures Kara and she must be fighting. She doesn’t know why but it’s the only reasonable explanation for Kara not visiting even once. She starts enjoying everything a little less after that realisation. It’s not the same knowing she won’t have her best friend back.

Another week later she’s deemed healthy enough to go home. She gets a new phone – the old one blew up in the accident – and, the second she’s left alone, she starts working to get rid of thoughts of Kara. She lasts only an hour of staring between her computer and phone screens before her headache is so bad she’s seeing double. That doesn’t faze her though and she starts working more and more each day from home, slowly starting half days at L-Corp again and easing into it. She wants to go back to working fulltime again, to the way it was before, however she also knows that’s not possible and would be a terrible idea. For once, she listens to Jess, and Sam, and Alex, and everyone else telling her not to rush into it.

 

The media inevitably catches on to why Lena hasn’t been at work. It’s printed front page on several magazines soon after and the online backlash from readers is harsh. People declaring they’re disappointed Lena didn’t die. People asking if Lena should even be allowed to work with anything that has the potential to explode. Even people who wonder if she’s still suited as a CEO, reasoning she must have suffered brain damage and she’s already a woman so now she’s surely no longer capable of heading two fortune 500 companies. It makes running L-Corp a little more difficult. Board members are that much harder to persuade, they don’t take her serious anymore and refuse to really hear what she says.

Sam has to jump in more often and Lena retreats herself to more desk work and overseeing her employees, leaving board room meetings to Sam and other capable staff members.

She’s miserable but at least she’s still alive.

A feat she almost loses when a lunatic Lex-supporter weasels his way into L-Corp under a ruse, talking his way into Lena’s office. He draws a knife and there’s no way for Lena to go so she gives in. She struggles with him a little but it’s clear he has the upper hand and it isn’t a fair fight. Before the knife can actually pierce the skin of her stomach, a loud crash resonates through the room and the glass from the windows shatters.

Supergirl swoops in, drags the man off of Lena and pins him against a wall.

“Supergirl!” Lena’s surprised the hero cares enough about her to save her from this minor attack – yes, it could have killed her but Lena remembers, before, it were always aliens attacking her or Supergirl would be otherwise engaged in the assault.

“Lena,” the hero says a little hesitant and oh, they’re on first name basis now. Lena’s missed a lot, which she already knew but it doesn’t cease to surprise her every single time she realises again what she’s missed.

“Thank you, for… eh,” Lena starts, gesturing vaguely to the windows and the guy pinned to the wall.

“Anytime, you know that.”

She doesn’t. She really doesn’t.

Lena nods. “Anytime,” she echoes softly, trying to understand it because why would Supergirl tell her that? Why would a Super care about her, a Luthor?

“Are you okay?” the blonde asks.

“Yes.” There’s a small stream of blood running down her arm but other than that she’s uninjured.

“You’re hurt,” Supergirl points at the blood meandering its way down her arm and Lena shrugs. She runs a finger through it and turns her arm to look at the damage. It’s not a deep cut, nor especially big. She’ll probably be fine with a little bandage and some cleaning.

“It’s not that bad.” She lowers her arm again, out of sight.

They wait in silence for Supergirl’s backup to arrive and Lena’s unsurprised to find Alex entering her office first. The redhead checks with Supergirl first but the hero tells her to mend Lena’s wounds first.

Lena only has one wound and she sees no reason for rushed medical attention. It’s stopped bleeding already. She doesn’t fight Alex though when she kneels down to her and instructs someone to get a first aid kit. She lets Alex clean her up and put a bandage around her arm. Answers her questions and promises her at least a dozen times she’ll be fine going home alone. She makes the same to Supergirl another ten times when the hero tries to protest.

She ignores the way Supergirl looks at her, a little puzzled, and calls for her driver to get her home.

Thankfully, no more attacks follow. The public is still harsh online but they keep it there and Lena can safely be.

 

She still hasn’t seen Kara and she wonders if she should reach out or if she should wait for Kara to do so.

Alex invites her over to game night at her place and Lena briefly forgets to worry about reaching out to Kara. Now, she worries about what to wear and how to act because she’s never been to a game night and never had friends who’d invite her over for something even remotely like it.

She finds something she thinks can pass as casual wear in her closet and wonders if she in fact did attend game nights before. She doesn’t remember owning a lot of casual wear. She had no use for it before.

 

Game night is fun. Lena learns a lot of stuff she hadn’t remembered – Alex is Kara’s sister for example. She hopes to be teamed with Kara each time they play games in pairs but she ends up in a team with Ruby. She hopes the disappointment doesn’t show on her face because Ruby is a lovely girl and she’s happy to play with her but she’d rather be paired off with Kara. Kara hardly looks at her all night and by the end of it, Lena’s thoroughly convinced herself she must’ve done something to make them that way. She leaves what should have been a great night with a pit in her stomach and broods all night.

Each day after that gets harder. She misses Kara more and more and it’s almost paralysing how much she can miss someone.

She broods for several days, contemplating everything she could’ve done to make Kara hate her. It’s not that hard to figure out but she doesn’t want to admit it to herself at first. After running all options, though, there’s nothing else she can think of that’s as likely as this.

When she’s about ready to claw her heart out from aching too much, she calls Kara to ask her to come over so they can talk. So she can apologise.

 

Kara insists on talking on Lena’s turf and shows up wearing one of her signature cardigans over a light summer dress. She fiddles with her glasses when Lena opens the door and invites her in, refusing to make eye contact and declining any offer Lena makes for a drink or some food. It’s not like Kara to decline food and it makes Lena’s worries increase tremendously.

She takes a seat on a chair across from Kara and inhales deeply. She allows the breath of air to steady her and steels her nerves before she starts talking. She wants to do this right and not turn into a mumbling mess.

“Kara, I’m sorry,” she says.

“You’re sorry?” Kara interrupts her. Lena raises her hand to stop the blonde from talking more.

“Please, just let me say this.” She waits for Kara to nod before she continues. “I’m sorry for making our friendship awkward. I shouldn’t have told you how I feel about you and risk ruining our friendship, which clearly happened. I’m sorry for that and I hope we can still be friends. I promise I won’t do anything to make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry I’m in love with you but I can’t change it and-”

“You- you’re what?” Kara splutters.

Lena breathes in slowly and closes her eyes briefly, “I’m sorry I’m in love with you but I really hope we can work past that and-”

“You’re in love with me?” Kara parrots, still trying to comprehend what’s going on.

Oh. Shit. That was not what happened? Lena hadn’t told her? She’s truly ruined it now. What was once maybe salvageable is now a completely wreck and she starts planning a move back to Metropolis in her mind.

She should’ve known she’d never have the guts to admit her feelings for Kara. Even if it seemed like the only option. She should’ve known herself better than that because she’d never done that before. Be the first to admit feelings when she wasn’t 100% sure they were reciprocated.

“Lena?”

“That- that’s not what we were fighting about, is it?”

Kara stares at her, mouth slightly agape and it takes her at least a full minute to compose herself.

Lena repetitively wipes her sweaty palms on her skirt. It’s futile. As long as Kara doesn’t respond, she’s remains a wreck of nervous energy. All internalised of course; she is and always will be a Luthor. She watches gears turn in Kara’s head and a crinkle form in her brow as she processes. The silence lasts long. Too long. If she weren’t in her own home, Lena would have gotten up and left so Kara could have time to think by herself. So Lena has time to think.

If they weren’t fighting because Lena admitted her feelings, then why were they? What had she done and how bad was it?

“ _You_ are in love. With _me_?” Kara asks again and Lena just nods in reply. She’s no longer able to meet the blonde’s eyes and feels extremely self-conscious. Sometimes a hole in the floor doesn’t sound too bad.

“You can’t be in love with me,” Kara says with such disbelieve Lena’s almost convinced her feelings might not be real. They are, however.

“You can’t be in love with me because I’m in love with you.” That sends Lena’s eyes shooting up to Kara. Kara’s eyes are wide as saucers and her hands are gesturing wildly.

Lena completely forgets the reason she invited Kara over. Forgets they weren’t even on speaking terms. She moves over to Kara and takes a seat on the couch next to her. Their knees are just touching and Lena places a reassuring hand on one of Kara’s.

“Kara?” she asks, “you’re in love with me?”

Kara, unable to speak, looks at Lena and nods. Her eyes drift briefly from Lena’s eyes to her lips and back. Lena feels herself physically deflate. A weight being lifted from her shoulders she didn’t knew was that heavy on her. Kara’s eyes drift down again and Lena finds herself unable to keep from looking at Kara’s soft lips as well.

“May I kiss you,” she thus asks, her free hand holding onto Kara’s restless ones.

“No—” Kara shakes her head and casts her eyes down— “not yet at least.”

“Oh.” Lena can’t keep the confusion off her face and lets her hands slump, falling down on her lap. Her eyes stare at a nondescript point on the floor in front of her legs.

“I do want to kiss you. I really do. I just don’t think it’s fair. I think you’ve got something mixed up and I don’t want to start something on unequal grounds.” Kara shifts a little to face Lena, who’s still unable to look up. “You think I was angry with you but I’m not. I thought you were angry with me. I felt guilty, Lena. And I didn’t know if you even wanted to see me. I came to the DEO because I wanted to help you but when you were getting better I didn’t want to impose. You were doing fine without me and I was afraid you were still angry because we didn’t talk a lot.”

“I thought you were angry with me. I thought we were fighting and I didn’t know what to do,” Lena admits.

“Why would you think I was angry with you? You did nothing, _nothing_ , that would make me be angry with you and if I would have just been honest with you from the start you wouldn’t have been working at night and you wouldn’t have gotten hurt like you did.”

“I may have forgotten some bits and pieces — okay, maybe a little more than that — from before the explosion.”

“You forgot why you were angry with me,” Kara concludes.

“I forgot I was angry in the first place.”

“Oh. Oh! That explains. I thought you were just being super weird about it but now I get why you- when that man tried to kill- ooh.” Kara fumbles a little with her glasses and Lena can see Kara’s puzzle pieces fall in place.

“Okay,” Kara says determinedly, “I’ll just tell you again and hope you won’t get mad again, because I was really miserable and I really hope we can still at least be friends because I was really bad for keeping this from you and now it’s only worse because I have to tell you again and-”

Lena puts an end to Kara’s ramble with a hand on one of the blonde’s.

“Please, Kara.”

“Right, yes. Golly. Okay, so.” Kara shifts uncomfortably before spitting out words so fast Lena has to strain to follow. “I’m Supergirl and I didn’t tell you because I wanted to keep you safe not because you’re a Luthor.”

Kara takes a deep breath, having said the entire sentence in one burst of air, and starts rambling again, “I’m sorry. I get it if you don’t want to see me again because you were really furious with me last time and I deserve that because I shouldn’t have lied to you to keep you safe because you’re perfectly capable of keeping yourself safe most of the time. Though sometimes I still have to come in like with the guy with the knife but that’s not your fault and maybe you’re even safer knowing I’m Supergirl so you know what…”

Lena zones out from Kara’s rambling, staring at something beyond the blonde. She can still see Kara, albeit a little blurred, as she makes small hand gestures to strengthen her words but Lena doesn’t hear it anymore. Kara is Supergirl. Her Kara. Supergirl.

It’s… It’s actually not that surprising. It does explain how Kara could hold her up so easily when she was starting to walk again. It explains all the weak excuses, the ‘flew here on a bus’ and ‘I was having coffee with Kara Danvers’. All the times she had to rush out of lunches, arrived late and with leaves in her hair or had to cancel altogether. It explains her insatiable appetite and how she’s not fat yet even with the ridiculous amounts of food she eats. It explains a lot of the mysteries of Kara Danvers.

Oh, has Lena been blind. If she weren’t so focussed on restraining herself around Kara she might have actually caught on, her mind is already playing a compilation of moments Kara slipped up. But alas, Lena’s about as useless as a lesbian can get and would probably have never caught on without someone spelling it out for her like Kara just did.

 

Kara is standing at the door. Lena hadn’t even noticed her moving but she’s standing there looking a little lost and staring at Lena.

“Lena?”

Lena finally drags herself from thought and looks at Kara. The blonde sends her a sad smile.

“I’ll just… go.” Kara gestures to the door and looks at Lena once more before turning around and leaving. Lena wants to stop her. She wants to jump up and chase after Kara. She wants to tell Kara to stay. Please, stay. Kara, stay.

She remains put on the couch, unable to move for another several minutes. By the time she gets up, Kara’s long home. She lets her thoughts go rampant as she strips for a shower. The warm water doesn’t even feel nice on her skin and she hugs her arms close as she’s overcome with all sorts of emotions. Anger, shame, guilt, fear, disgust, helplessness and an overwhelming amount of love. She lets herself feel. Lets herself process. She takes her time because she knows she needs it and it’s the right thing to do.

She allows herself a few days to process. To understand and accept, to give all her emotions some room to exist.

In the end, love wins out.

 

Lena walks up to Kara’s door with a bouquet of flowers, a box of doughnuts and two orders of potstickers. She paces the hallway outside Kara’s door for several minutes as she steels her nerves and thinks of something to say. For someone who does a lot of public speaking and earns her money by debating and arguing, she’s pretty bad at coming up with the right words. She gives up. Kara will have to take her like the mess she is or not at all.

She knocks on Kara’s door three times, then starts doubting whether three was too much or whether it wasn’t enough and whether she knocked loud enough only to remind herself Kara is Supergirl so Kara has superhearing and would’ve heard anyway.

Kara opens the door, surprise clear on her features. Her hair is a little messy and she’s wearing sweatpants. Lena swears she can smell burnt food coming from behind Kara. She ignores it and looks at Kara again. Kara, awkwardly standing in the open door, her arms wrapping a kimono tightly around herself.

“Lena!” Her voice is an odd mixture of excitement and dread.

“Kara,” Lena says, “may I?” She gestures to the room behind Kara. Kara stutters a bit before opening the door wider and waving Lena in.

Lena hands Kara the flowers and food and Kara takes them, a little bewildered.

“You didn’t have to,” she says as she puts the food on the counter and quickly fills a vase with water for the flowers.

“I did,” Lena counters, “I did because I want you to be happy and I know flowers and doughnuts and potstickers make you happy.”

“Thank you.” Kara plays with a button on her kimono. She chances a glance up at Lena. Lena smiles at her softly, reassuringly. She doesn’t want to scare Kara away now.

“I came here to say I don’t care. I don’t care you didn’t tell me you’re Supergirl and I won’t let it get between us. I really, really love you a lot. So much, it hurts and I don’t want to hurt anymore because I’m too proud to get over myself, Kara.” Lena takes a step closer. “So, will you still have me?”

Kara’s eyes flick up and down Lena’s face and she licks her lips. “Anytime.” Kara steps closer too, closing the distance between them. She cups Lena’s face, “now you may kiss me, if you want.”

Lena doesn’t let Kara repeat herself. She closes her eyes and leans forward until she’s met with the softest lips she’s ever felt.

Everything will be all-right. She might have to tell Alex she doesn’t remember her. And tell Sam she doesn’t know how she saved her life. But she has Kara now and with Kara by her side, everything will be all-right.

 


End file.
